At The Reutlinger, we are experts in the aging process and strive to educate our residents, future residents and adult children about what to expect as a parent ages. In this four-part series, we explore the aging process and provide tips to help adult children navigate and manage these changes.
Planning for college. Saving up for a down payment on a home. Putting money into a 401(K). Being prepared for the future is an integral part of life, and we understand how important it is to make thoughtful decisions. However, when it comes to caring for an aging parent’s healthcare needs, many of us don’t think of planning until there’s an immediate problem.
“Adult children and senior parents often want to avoid discussing what will happen to their senior parents as they age because they just don’t want to think about it,” says Andrea Campisi of The Reutlinger, a Continuing Care Retirement Community in Danville, CA. “It’s hard to think about, but failing to plan for the future can make bad situations even worse. That’s why advance care planning is so important to the health and security of your family.”
Advance care planning is the process of discussing, determining and executing directives for an individual’s future treatment. This includes but is not limited to creating a living will and appointing a health care proxy who can make medical decisions if the individual isn’t able to do so. An advance care plan can be critical for providing the best quality of life for your parent as he or she ages, whether it’s a planned-for outcome, an emergency or an end-of-life situation.
“While talking about these scenarios can be emotionally charged and difficult, these conversations are one of the best ways to provide peace of mind for both senior parents and their adult children,” says Campisi. “These are complicated decisions that require a great deal of careful consideration and thought, and should be an ongoing, comprehensive process that includes everyone involved – from the senior, to family members, to care providers and health care proxies. We always say good communication is the single most important critical factor in a successful advance care plan.”
Issues and Options to Consider
Here are just some of the issues for you and your senior parent to consider:
- Values and beliefs. What are your parents’ spiritual beliefs and personal values? What do they consider to be an appropriate quality of life, or what makes life worth living? Understanding their philosophies and personal concerns about aging is incredibly important to consider. Any advance care plan should respect their values and beliefs while balancing appropriate care regimens and directives.
- End-of-life Preferences. While most people have an idea of how they would like to face their own death, disability or serious illnesses, they may hesitate to discuss them to avoid upsetting friends and family. If a senior parent is avoiding the subject, adult children can help spur the conversation by sharing your own ideas or discussing how other friends or family have approached similar situations.
- Health care proxies. In the event of a debilitating event like a coma or disease such as dementia, it’s important to have someone who can make healthcare decisions if Mom or Dad is incapacitated or otherwise unable to make decisions. This is an incredibly important and personal decision, and can result in a lot of heartache if not adequately discussed and planned for. Whoever is chosen as proxy will need to be able to make rational decisions based on the preexisting advance care plan, as well as the individual’s previously discussed beliefs and values. As an adult child, it’s important to thoughtfully consider your own feelings and the feelings of family members, and if needed, help your parent select an individual who will be able to carry out their wishes. If you, as their child, feel like you would not be able to carry out the role of proxy, it’s important to discuss this with your parent so they may select a more appropriate party.
- Professional advance care planning. There are many different professionals who can help you with official documentation that ensures your senior parent’s wishes are respected. Some examples are members of the clergy and lawyers who specialize in estates or elder law. You can also research social workers and counselors who specialize in hospice, end-of-life care or age-related services who can offer guidance at every stage of this process.
Important Documents Required for Successful Advance Care Planning
Aging involves a lot of different legal and financial issues, not just emotional ones. By consulting with professionals who specialize in these services, you can make sure that everything is in order if and when your senior parent’s advance care plans need to be implemented. Here are some of the more common advance care planning documents that are required:
- Living Wills, which are also known as medical directives. These are written care instructions that state your senior parent’s care wishes in the event they can’t make decisions for themselves.
- Power of Attorney, also known as durable power or health care power of attorney. This document appoints a particular individual as proxy or agent to make health care decisions if the senior is unable to do so.
- Advance Directive, which is a common term that describes both a living will and medical power of attorney. They focus on preferred type of care, care that’s not wanted and identifies health care proxies.
- Do Not Resuscitate (DNR), which is a physician’s order written in an official medical record that indicates health care providers should not attempt certain life-saving measures. A DNR request can be included in planning documents, or communicated directly with a senior’s physician.
What Adult Children Can Do to Ensure a Parent’s Wishes are Carried Out
- Make sure family and important individuals know your parent’s wishes. It’s most important to make sure that the health care proxy knows your parent’s wishes and is comfortable with carrying them out.
- Make copies of planning documents and keep them in easily accessible places. Generally, it’s important that copies are distributed to the health care proxy, family members, physicians, friends and lawyers if appropriate. That way a copy can always be accessed quickly in the event of an emergency.
- Continue the conversation and review plans on a regular basis. By revisiting the advance care plans, you can make sure your parent is still satisfied with the decision they’ve made, and that the health care proxy is still willing to carry out the plan.
While advance care planning isn’t the most enjoyable conversation to have, it’s an important part of the aging process that provides peace of mind for everyone involved. As you go through the process, remember: it’s not necessary to make all the decisions at once. And it’s okay if decisions change in the future. What’s most important is to start the conversation and continue it in a positive, healthy way so that you, your senior parent and the rest of your family have confidence and assurance for the future.
Premier Senior Living, Dedicated Care
Offering assisted living, enhanced assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing and rehabilitation, The Reutlinger provides a continuum of care that allows seniors to live a life-enhancing and stimulating environment. Located in Danville, California, The Reutlinger’s newly renovated 110,000 square foot community combines the comfort and familiarity of home with seasoned senior care and skilled nursing specialists to suit any seniors needs, allowing them to live the life they choose with freedom and security.
Because we specialize in a continuum of care, our residents never need to worry about leaving the community they call home or wonder what will happen when they need some more care. Residents and families alike can have peace of mind knowing that there are full-time licensed nurses available along with activity coordinators, social workers, caregivers, a concierge and rabbi who focus solely on helping each resident thrive. Even better, our services and amenities are equal to those of a state-of-the-art resort. This is the lifestyle and care that your loved one deserves.
At The Reutlinger, seniors have numerous opportunities to engage in award-winning programs that are designed to engage the mind, renew the spirit and provide opportunities to meet new people and learn something new. Whether residents are enjoying our art program and museum, listening to a lecture or educational program or attending spiritual programming and our wide range of activities, there’s something for each resident to love. Participate as much or as little as you like, the choice is all yours.
For more information or to schedule a personal tour, contact us today.